I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
