what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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