Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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