sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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