I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
