How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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