Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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