I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
