My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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