Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
