Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
