no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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