She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
