Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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