you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
