I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
