my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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