By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
