So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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