I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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