Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
