Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
