Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize