HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
