u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
