Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
