Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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