my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
