I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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