You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
