Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize