when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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