My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
