There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
