hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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