o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm always down for nudity.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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