I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
