It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize