i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
