What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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