I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
