Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
