I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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