So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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