apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
