saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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