He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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