so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
