You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
