I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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