so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
