Cold hands, warm shart.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
