dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
