i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
