im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
