cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
