I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
