hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
