he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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