Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
