We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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