So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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