I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
