It's Friday. Sex?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
