Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
