If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
