i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
