I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize