The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
