if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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