Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
