she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
