Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
