so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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