where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
