Do you still have your period?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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