I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
