My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
